died and went to get his afterlife assignment.
St. Peter looked through his great book and said, "Well, you had an
awful lot of money, and that's usually bad..." he paused and looked
through a few more pages. "...on the other hand, you supported a lot
of charitable works with you money, and that's good."
He paused again, and spoke a few words in an ancient language into an old-fashioned
telephone, listened, then put it down.
"You really are an unusual case, sir," he said. "I've been
instructed to show you heaven and hell and let you take your choice."
Gates followed St. Peter into heaven, and he wasn't impressed with what
he saw: Tall marble buildings, people with haloes sitting on clouds playing
harps and praising the Deity.
In the Moslem section there were beautiful houris, but Gates preferred
blondes. In the fundamentalist Christain zone, everybody looked like they
were afraid to be happy. So Bill Gates said, "I'd like to see hell
Then St. Peter took Bill Gates to hell, and things were quite different
that he expected. Instead of the smell of brimstone, there was a warm
They were on a vast beach where everybody was tan, toned and beautiful.
Volleyball nets were everywhere, and horned imps were serving tall tropical
drinks all around. In the distance, a luau fire was burning.
Then, in the blink of an eye, he was back at St. Peter's podium at the
entrance of heaven.
is your choice, Mr. Gates?" St. Peter asked.
Without hesitating, he said, "I'll take hell."
The floor vanished beneath him, and after a fall that seemed to last for
months, he plunged into a lake of burning sulfur, where a twelve-foot
tall demon was dunking lost souls in the flames with a pitchfork.
"Wait!" Bill Gates screamed. "Where are all the volleyball
players, the drinks, the beach parties?"
The demon leaned down and grinned hideously. "Ahh...that was the